366

366

Today I do not know, where she is ?. First, I met her during my Pre-degree  course at TKMM, Nangiarkulangra. Later we  met  again when I joined for my  degree class at SD college,  Alleppey.

I got  Maths main though I wanted Physics in SD college for my degree and so I was not happy.  I requested physics Professor to take me in Physics course and I expressed my interest in Physics. I did not get Physics  as I took the admission late and joined the college one month after admission. I did not join because of my over confidence which made me to think that I would  surely get engineering admission by merit  and went on waiting till the 2nd Rank list was published.

I secured  366/400 for all the major subjects together and  Centum in Maths I & II.  I was quite sure that I will get Engg admission easily as the previous year cut off score was 362. So I did not even claim the Ex-Service benefit of my father which I was eligible.

She also got the same total marks, but did not have high ambition and overconfidence like me. So she joined the SD college in time and took Maths as main. She might have silently laughed at my foolishness in not joining the college when she saw me coming to class after one month. But She was a good girl and was happy to meet me as  I was her  competitor in our earlier college days. She too was a brilliant girl and we always studied and scored with competition.

When the First rank list of Engineering admission  was published, my name was not there. I took it casually and thought, I will surely get through the  IInd Rank list.  Second rank list was published and I could not believe.  It was just a narrow miss. Second rank list- cut off score  - was 367, just one mark above my total marks of 366.  I was  shocked and could not believe.

I became very depressed and lost all my enthusiasm and pride. I could not do anything for one month. Then, because of persuasion of others I  started debating  whether I should go for diploma or degree. My close friends have all got admission in engineering and there was nobody  with whom I could share my sorrow. My parents were abroad and there was no body to console me. That is how I reached the  corridors of SD college.

By now, because of my persuasion, Physics  professor agreed to give me admission and I joined for Physics. The Professor commented, 'For your marks we could have given  physics main at the first instance, had you  turned up  in time'. That was the last nail on my ego.

Two months passed and the engineering dream was still within me. One reason may be because all my close friends have got the admission. One day in the night  I got up from my bed and kneeled down in  darkness and prayed. Tears were rolling down and no body knew in the room as  I was praying silently.

 At the end of it, I felt I was relieved of that great burden and accepted what I have got. Till that night, it was difficult to accept the  truth.

Next day as  usual, I started with  my elder Sister to college  [ She was already in SD College for degree] and she scolded  me  as usual for not combing my hair.  Even today I have not changed and I do not carry a comb with me. Comb is used only once in a day.   That day when I came back from the college , My Grandmother gave me the telegram received by her. The telegram was from the Directorate of Technical Education  asking me to join NSS college of Engineering, Palghat  immediately.

Next day when I was in the College with my uncle, My good friend at SD college had no idea why she did not get the call even though she had the same marks. Later I came to know, she was not called because She did not get centum in Maths, for which preference was given by the directorate when the total is equal. She got one mark less in maths and one more in physics compared to me.  It was unbelievable. When I lost all hopes and when I was trying to cope up with my despair, GOD made it possible. I still hear that question from her 'Why I did not get it ?'.    

Today When I look back, I know  that I have not fulfilled  HIS dream about me  by answering my prayers and that is the burden of 366 I carry  with me, which She may not....

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